Over-the-Hill Motherhood

Today it hit me.  I'm over-the-hill.  I'm not talking about my age, although some may argue I am close to that milestone as well.  I'm referring to my season as a mother.  All of my children are in the double digits now and my oldest is 6 months away from his 18th birthday.  This season has taken me completely by surprise and I'm struggling to keep up with the different stages each child is in and trying to figure out why I am so emotional about my first child reaching adulthood.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first son, I was hungry for advice and there was a plethora of knowledge to be had.  I wanted to do everything by the book.  You know, the book, "What to Expect When You Are Expecting".  But now that I'm three kids deep into middle school, high-school and college, I'm wondering, where is the book?  No one prepared me for the emotional avalanche that comes with that last trip to the pediatrician.  Memories of carrying my newborn into that door in his fish-themed baby carrier flooded over me and I struggled to hold back the tears.  They called his name and asked me to wait in the lobby for a few minutes before they would include me in the visit.  That's fine, I was expecting that, but then this sweet four year old walks in with his mother.  He plops down next to me because I've got the best seat to view the movie playing in the waiting room.  The movie is Happy Feet, and the leopard seal is chasing a penguin in hopes of a tasty meal.  The little boy turns and looks up at me.

       "Have you seen this movie before?" he asks, with concern in his eyes.
       "Yes", I reply.
       "Does the seal eat the penguin?  I don't want him to eat the penguin."

The tears are back.  I remember when my son was that age, asking me such sweet questions, with such innocence and concern.  Now he is concerned with more challenging questions like what to do after graduation, career choices, relationship struggles. Did I do the best I could to prepare him?  Why am I so emotional? Why does it feel like a part of me is slipping away? Where is the book that was supposed to prepare me for this?

There should be a book called, "What to Expect When Your Child Is On the Cusp of Adulthood and You are Weeping Daily but Have No Idea Why and You Realize that You Celebrated so Many 'Firsts' but Totally Missed the Lasts".   I think that is it.  Today, at the pediatrician, it was the last time I would escort my 'baby boy' to the pediatrician. Actually, he could have gone alone today but I just felt I should tag along and I am so glad I did.

How many other 'lasts' have I missed?  When was the last time he crawled up into my lap early in the morning and snuggled while we read a book?  When was the last time I had to ask him if he needed to go potty? When was the last time I tucked him in, read him a bedtime story, sang our night-night song? When was the last time he needed me to tie his shoe, tell him to clean his room or even do his laundry? When was the last time I had to help him brush his teeth?  (He took himself to the dentist this year for his yearly cleaning too!)  So much of the things we do in young motherhood, which can honestly seem like drudgery when you are in the thick of it, is actually such a sweet season that fades away so quickly.  We celebrate all those 'firsts', the first step, the first success at potty training, the first tooth lost, the first Christmas, etc.  BUT WHAT ABOUT THE LAST?  When you have successfully worked yourself out of a job (which is what you should do) you realize that most of those 'lasts' have quietly slipped by without your knowledge.  

No one warned me about this.  Well, maybe they did.  Maybe it was the elderly women at my baby showers that said, "Enjoy this time because it will be gone before you know it," and I just didn't hear her. Now I'm one of those 'over-the-hill' moms that wants so desperately to express that to a young mother in the midst of diapers, sticky counter tops and temper tantrums. It will be over in a flash!